7 Ways To Develop Social Intelligence

Social skills are just as important as every other skill
we seek to acquire as we walk through this life.

In fact, it doesn’t matter how much you know if you
aren’t able to properly communicate it.

No matter how academically endowed, intellectual
or well knowledgeable you are, you will always need
people in your life – and for different reasons too.
There will always be a reason to meet, connect and
develop relationships with people. As the saying goes,
“no man is an island.” You cannot isolate yourself and
hope to live a successful, fruitful life.

For single folks, social intelligence is important even in
your pursuit of a relationship. You can be good looking,

your pursuit of a relationship. You can be good looking,
with the perfect 6 pack or figure-8 body that makes
people swoon, but you might not end up with that lady
or man you desire if you lack the appropriate social
skills to hook up with them.

There are a vast majority of folks who have missed
out on great liaisons, friendships, and even business
partnerships due to being deficient in social
intelligence.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that seems to place
so much emphasis on being book smart and little
or none on being socially smart. Many are socially
awkward and even suffer from social anxiety.

Research studies have shown that people who are
high-up on the intellectual quotient scale, measure
very low on social intelligence.
What is Social Intelligence?
In simple terms, it is understanding and being able to
interact with people, and to influence them positively.
Social Intelligence involves communicating effectively,
passing across your message without being offensive
or condescending.
To be socially intelligent, you need to be emotionally
intelligent. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to
manage your emotions and that of others. It is

manage your emotions and that of others. It is
understanding the role which emotions play in how
people react or respond to one another.
Knowing people has to do with understanding that
everyone is a unique being with unique character
traits…and as such…you cannot relate with everyone in
the same manner. A person’s peculiar traits should to
a large extent influence how you relate with them. For
instance, highly extroverted behavior could come off
as flirtatious behavior to an extreme introvert.

Knowing how to interact with people is about knowing
what to say, when to say it and how to say it. It is
realizing that your words are weighty; with words, you
can either build up or destroy a person.
When it comes to how we communicate verbally, I’ve
identified five distinct types of people:
1. The ferocious: these are the ones who say whatever
it is that’s on their mind, even if it is mean or hurtful.
The trendy term for this is ‘savage.’

2. The Uncouth…these are the “say it like it is,
” raw people. They don’t sugarcoat things or make them
sound palatable, irrespective of who they’re talking to.
Example: using foul language.

3. The Talkative…these are people who talk and talk
and talk and never ever take time to listen. People
who are talkative tend to be interpreted as being self-

who are talkative tend to be interpreted as being self-
involved.

4. The Sweet-talker…these ones like to please others
with words. They are flatterers too. People who are
sweet talkers generally aren’t taken seriously – most
people believe that they don’t mean what they say.

5. The Diplomat…this type of person knows exactly
what to say and how to say it. People who are socially
intelligent tend to diplomatic communicators. They
have the right words for the right situation.

What type of talker are you?
Social Intelligence is an acquired trait, not innate. The
remarkable thing is that anyone can learn to be socially
intelligent. The key is to view it as a priority because
whatever you prioritize, you will give time and attention
to.

Being a socially intelligent being, albeit averagely so,
will give you that added advantage over one who is
only high on the intellectual quotient.
How to be Socially Intelligent

I’ve identified 7 ways in which one can become more
socially intelligent:
1. Pay attention to non-verbal cues while you interact
with people. Their voice tones and gestures (body
language, facial expressions) will indicate whether
they are responding positively to you or not.

2. Learn to listen. Don’t be the kind of person who’s
simply waiting for the part in the conversation where
it’s your turn to talk. Listening is just as important as
talking. A lot of people are in dire need of a listening
ear – even when sharing their problems, they’re not

ear – even when sharing their problems, they’re not
seeking advice or even solutions. A person could end
up being more put-off by you offering a solution to a
problem when they didn’t ask for help.

3. Learn how to empathize. You may not be going
through the same experience as someone else, but
you can empathize and be more sensitive to their
situation. For instance, if someone is sharing with you
how they had a bad day, you don’t use that opportunity
to talk about the last bad day you had. Grief is one
major area where many people tend to say the wrong
things.

4. Learn to think about your words before you say
them. THINK: the words you are about to speak, are
they: True, Helpful, Important, Nice, Kind? We would
avoid a lot of broken relationships if we paid more
attention to our words.

5. Learn to appreciate the people you have in your life.
Don’t ever get so comfortable with someone that you
begin to take them for granted or worse feel entitled.

6. Don’t forget your manners…words like excuse me,
please and thank you should always be in your pocket
for quick access. Use them as often as is necessary.
Rudeness is a turn-off for most, if not all people.

7. Respect people’s differences. I talked about this
earlier. No two people are alike and will not respond

earlier. No two people are alike and will not respond
in the same manner to the same thing. Everyone is
entitled to an opinion and has a right to express such.

There are probably many other ways in which one can
develop and embrace social skills. It is of my opinion
however, that daily and constantly practicing these
7, will enable you become an individual who is has
that healthy balance between intellectual and social
intelligence.